Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
