just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
