Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
