I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
