Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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