you guys were way drunker than both of me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
