I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
