just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
