is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
