Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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