Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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