as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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