I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
