is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize