What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
