SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
