I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
