Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
