i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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