I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
