We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
