You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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