You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
