By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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