Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
