Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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