ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
