He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
time to smoke my breakfast
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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