Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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