I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
