Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
