something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
