My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
