He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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