If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
