Non-Jews are for practice
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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