I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize