I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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