apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
