he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
