i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
