You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
