Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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