We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is Oprah even human
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
