She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
