I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
