Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
