shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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