I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
