He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
