you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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