these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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