There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
