He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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