You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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