better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
