I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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