Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
