It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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