My first STD was from a foam party
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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