What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
