Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize