to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
