I think my vagina is haunted
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
