I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
